Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy. Proverbs 14:10
Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief. Proverbs 14: 13
It’s a strange book, Proverbs.
Much of it seems like a pretty random collection of one-off sayings, many of which could have been spoken by a non-Jew or a non-Christian: just down-to-earth commonsense, even platitudes or cliches. Quite a lot about wisdom, but very little explicitly about God. There are verses that invite the response, “OK – but so what?”. Others that prompt the question, “Is that really true!”, and others that leave us wondering “How are we supposed to apply that in today’s world!”.
If there is an overarching theme that binds the book together, it must be wisdom. And its main purpose, for me anyway, is simple enough: to make us stop and think – something, I fear, that we do all too rarely.
I’ve picked out two little verses from chapter 14, which have in common the thought that every human being’s heart is a private place, known only to the person in question.
Verse 10: Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no-one else can share its joy.
My immediate reaction is the question: Is that in fact true? The first part, well, yes. But the second part? It implies that our inmost hearts are so deeply buried within us that we cannot share even the good things with anyone else.
But surely we both can and do. We delight to share our joys: think of a wedding day or the birth of a new child, or even just the success of a football team. And as for the bitternesses; we have a saying in English that “a problem shared is a problem halved”, and haven’t all of us experienced the relief of unburdening our hearts to a trusted friend? Oh, what a difference that can make!
The truth of the verse lies, perhaps, in the fact that, while we live in communities and families, ultimately we are individuals, and as individuals we were made by God and are answerable to God. To put it most sharply, Paul tells us that “we must all stand before God’s judgment seat” (Romans 14:10) – and when that day comes we stand alone.
Verse 13: Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief.
Well, sadly, there can be no arguing with that! How much laughter is hollow, forced, perhaps dependent on alcohol or other artificial stimulants? The figure of the broken-hearted clown is known in many cultures, with his grotesque, painted smile that bears no resemblance to the reality within. Many of us may have known hearty life-and-soul-of-the-party types who, tragically, reach a point where they feel they must end their own lives. Or weekend revellers “out for a good time” who end up in the depths of misery, perhaps literally in the gutter.
Even without going to such extremes, we all know that “all good things come to an end”, and we are wise if we face up realistically to that truth.
I read these verses and find myself wondering how to apply them to my everyday life. What difference might they make to the kind of person I am? How might they make me a better person?
Perhaps first and foremost, they challenge me to be compassionate. Think the best, not the worst, of others’ failings and peculiarities.
Every time I meet a fellow human being I am meeting a miraculous bundle of body, mind and spirit who is totally unique throughout the history of the universe. Putting it another way, there is no such thing on the face of this planet as “just an ordinary person”. We are made by God, each of us, and loved by God, each of us – yes, including the smallest, the most feeble, insignificant, unimportant and easily neglected person.
We simply cannot know a millionth part of what has gone on in another person’s life – what sadnesses, failures, disappointments, hurts – or what is going on right now in that mysterious space between their ears.
And this means that it is right to stretch ourselves as far as we can in “making allowances” – after all, God alone knows the individual’s heart, and ultimately we can – indeed must – leave any judging to him. Haven’t we all sometimes looked at another person, shaken our heads and then thought “That could be me…”? Haven’t we all at times been profoundly grateful for those who have made allowances for us?
The fact is that every other person is someone who can be both a blessing to me and to whom I can be a blessing.
I was stopped in the street the other day by a total stranger walking his dog; he wanted me to know about a heron he had seen sitting on somebody’s roof (this in a city suburb). He was bursting with the sheer pleasure of it, and just wanted me, a total “anybody”, to know about it. I walked on, feeling a real lifting of my heart. I was reminded just how easy it can be to bring pleasure to another person if we only keep our wits about us. Thank you, Mr Dog-Walker Stranger!
I said something wrong earlier, or, rather, left unsaid something vitally important, so I must put it right before I finish.
I said that when we stand before God on the judgment day, we stand alone: that’s the implication of Proverbs 14:10 and 13. But of course the writer of Proverbs, Solomon or whoever, didn’t know about Jesus. And we do, and that makes all the difference.
The same Paul who warned us about the judgment day also tells us that “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). If that isn’t good news, I don’t know what is! Our condemnation has been taken by him.
So I like to imagine that when that day comes for me and I stand stripped bare before our holy God, Jesus will be there – with his arm around my shoulder.
Do you too have that hope?
Father, please help me to see every person that I meet with the compassionate eyes of Jesus. Amen.
Colin Sedgwick's blog 